I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
