3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
