Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
