If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
