I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
