But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
