You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
