Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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