Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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