As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dicks are not precious.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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