I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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