I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
