worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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