sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
