I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
