i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
