Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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