On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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