oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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