member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
