I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
