I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize