Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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