Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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