I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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