Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
