you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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