i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
