you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
