if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
