I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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