I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
