i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
then he tried to convert me to islam
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
