This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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