I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
