lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
