Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
