then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
