Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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