break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
