I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
