Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret

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(908): View more from New Jersey

im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis

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(214): View more from Texas

My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.

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(607): View more from New York

I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome

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(734): View more from Michigan

He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."

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