Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize