well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so much tequila, so little girl.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
