Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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