His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
