Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
