is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
