I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
