I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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