something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
