I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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