Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
