using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
