Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize