he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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