Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
