I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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