i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
