it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
