That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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