Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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