i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
