I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
