Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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