Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
