If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a search helicopter?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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