yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
