My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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