I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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