he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
