just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
