woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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