Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
