Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
