quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
smell my finger.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
