Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't deserve a penis
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
