Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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